30 Comments

Portrait of Eight Paying Rapists

People say prostitution is necessary. Some even go as far as saying it’s a necessary evil, but even those people still insist it is necessary.

If men can’t buy access to women’s bodies, these people say, whatever will they do?

Yes, I would like to ask them, what exactly is it you think men will do? Rape women?

What that means is that either men get to rape for money or they will rape for free. Or in other words: “rape is inevitable, let’s outsource the victim role to someone who has no options.”

If you think these men are rapists who by definition don’t care whether the woman or girl they are fucking wants any part of them (which is what you’re saying if you think they will rape unless they can ‘buy sex’), then why do you support their right to throw down a few bills and take that attitude out on an actual woman’s or girl’s body?

If men couldn’t buy access to women’s bodies, what would they do? Spontaneously combust?

Of course not. They’d do what women are doing: live their lives without buying access to people’s bodies to sate their sexual greed. Sex is not a need. It’s a want. Financial transactions are not a natural part of reproduction either, so arguments about how this sort of behavior is natural ‘because men’s hormones’ (or the ominous-sounding ‘men have needs’) are completely idiotic anyway, save your breath. Prostitution also hasn’t existed in every culture there ever was, even if pro-pornstitution liars try to make it look that way.

If we can admit that prostitution isn’t actually necessary, it’s just something men WANT, and if we then look at the unspeakable harm that we KNOW is being inflicted upon millions of girls and women worldwide, to the tune of billions upon billions of dollars, who can justify any of it? Who can say, but that’s integral to our society, let’s keep this up? Only a total sociopath, or someone who is so deeply in denial about the horrors being committed on women’s bodies and souls that their view has little to do with reality.

All this said, let’s look at a few statements from johns/punters that I read on photographer Bettina Flitner’s website and that I’ve translated into English.

I encourage you to click on the link and look at the photographs as you read the statement of each man on his prostituting. I have added some comments of my own for each of them.

Please beware that these statements are dehumanizing and misogynistic and what follows is upsetting if you care about women at all.

 

Christian, 23, freight forwarding agent, single

“Why do I pay for sex? Women often get on my tits. They nag you if you don’t spend enough time with them. That’s why I come here when I just feel like I fuck – and then I leave again. That’s it. It quickly gets boring to me with a girlfriend. And anyways: paying for it gives it that special something. Then you own the woman. You can do whatever you want with her. That’s power when you think about it. My last time? I come here about every six weeks. Sometimes I do it with one I already know, sometimes with a different one. I like it a little harder, no vanilla sex.”

This man is a rapist and he knows it. He wants to own a woman who has no rights, no power, no way out in the face of his ‘a little harder’ (really rough, sadistic, degrading) treatment. He undoubtedly watches rape porn when he’s not acting out his sadism on a woman directly.

 

Dung, 28, works in parental restaurant, single

“My first time in a brothel was four years ago. A date is always stressful and costs a lot of time. In a brothel, everything is much more open. There are no lies and no illusions there. I can freely admit it — I am single after all and I’m not hurting anyone. My type are women with black hair and brown eyes. But definitely no Asians. Don’t like them at all. There has to be good chemistry, then the woman enjoys it too. But sometimes they look at the time already when you enter the room. You don’t really feel like it anymore when they do that.”

He believes the brothel to be the most honest place because it’s the only place where he himself is honest. Those two things are very different. Does he really believe there are women who enjoy him using their bodies? He does it anyway even when he knows they don’t want to — evidence that he doesn’t see the women as actual people at all (he isn’t hurting anyone, after all, even when women show clear signs of just wanting it over with and him gone). Why can’t this Asian man stand Asian women? Internalized racism meets misogyny.

 

Günther, 55, bar owner, divorced, 1 son

„I just need a lot of sex. It excites me to always have new women. I also go to swingers clubs. But there are often old and ugly ones there. Sometimes I book an escort service. My type? Black or very light skin. So mulatto or from Latvia. No silicone breasts and pumped-up lips. I also don’t like them too professional, I prefer those who just do their job normally and only do this now and then. My last time was one week ago. She said it was the most beautiful sex of her life. The usual 50 euros. The price/performance ratio is simply right here.”

No, you do not need, you want. Such ugly words from an ugly man who believes himself entitled to an unlimited number of women’s bodies, picked for their hues and shapes like fruit in a shop. Look at him. Look at the contempt he has for the women who do what he makes them do — as evidenced by the fact that an actual ‘professional’ is not good enough for him, he needs the illusion that women with regular jobs moonlight at brothels for fun and have ‘beautiful sex’ with disgusting, unfeeling rapists like him.

 

Ingo, 43, tax accountant assistant, single

“Outside I’m too shy to talk to anyone. I work from home and hardly get out. But of course this is a fantasy world. The men here are chasing after an illusion, and so am I. Sometimes the women say, ‘I love you’ afterwards. That’s pure customer retention. Twice I fell in love with a woman from the brothel. There is this Samaritan Effect, where you want to take them out of the mire. That’s over for me, I don’t fall in love anymore. Now I only come here because of one of them. Everything is the way it should be. At least inside the room. I don’t know anything else about her.”

He knows that he is only a customer and not a ‘loved one’. He also knows the women in the brothel are suffering, to the point of feeling like a ‘Samaritan’ for wanting to keep them to himself and get them away from the brothel. Selfishness is the main motivator and always was; the Samaritanism is just in his head, since obviously there was no desire to free the women he didn’t fall in love with…and he has now successfully desensitized himself even beyond the point of imagining he has romantic feelings at all. Just fucking a stranger who you know doesn’t want to be there. Rapist.

 

Iwan, 65, auto mechanic, single

“One does it once. One does it twice. And then at some point one is just in there. One gets used to it. Normally I have to take a pretty woman out to dinner twice, costs 100 euros. And then maybe it doesn’t go anywhere. Here it works immediately. I like southern women – Spaniards, Italians, those from the Dominican Republic. I also had a Colombian here for a few months, a Bella, nicely built. She was really into it. Or she was a good actress. But she was suddenly gone. Pity.“

Note the impersonal, generalizing language. This way of expressing things is a common pattern in German, especially used by men when trying to disguise their emotional investment in something or their responsibility for something negative. He switches from that to ‘Normally I have to…’, i.e. a more personal tone, when trying to get sympathy for the plight of having to buy pretty women dinner in hopes of getting them to spit out sex like a slot machine showing three pineapples…or some other exotic fruit. Racist rapist. (Who knows what happened to the woman who was suddenly gone, but don’t expect him to have any worry beyond his loss of purchase options.)

 

Joachim, 58, engineer, separated, 1 daughter

“Ten years ago I woke up one night and couldn’t get up anymore. I had bad pain in my heart, the emergency doctor came, they took me to the ER. And back then I thought: my life could be over tomorrow. I come here about once a week. For three months now I have booked the same one. I spent two hours in the room with her today. It’s true: when you go to a club, you are no longer satisfied with normal women. The figures! They wear a size 6 or 8 here. [US; UK 8/10, Germany 34/36]”

I’m currently reading a book about resuscitation medicine and death experiences (Erasing Death by Sam Parnia, MD, PhD) and while there are many people who come close to death and change their lives after the experience, this is the very lowest life-change I have ever read of. His life could be over soon, so he better stick his dick into as many women size 6 or 8 as possible before he croaks (hurry up, for goodness’ sake). For “you are no longer satisfied with normal women”, read, “you lose the last of your ability to empathize with or care about women”. Rapist.

 

Kai, 49, bank employee, divorced, 2 children

“Why do I come here? I would normally never get women like the ones here. And I can also cross boundaries here. Anal for instance, I would probably not dare to ask a woman outside for that. Costs 100 euros more. I’m not for the really young ones or the skinny-bones. It’s fine if they have completely normal breasts, even a little tummy. You know, a womanly figure. I’ve been going to the same one for three years now, twice a month. My last time? A week ago.”

Women are a collection of body parts. A personality or emotions do not even figure into it when this guy thinks about women. He pays to cross boundaries and to do things to women that he actually instinctively knows women don’t want. So the women he pays for are a different class of (not-)humans to him, absolving him of the need to respect their boundaries and feelings. He feels like a really generous and humane punter for not going after the “really young ones” and ‘allowing’ the women to have ‘normal breasts’.

 

Ralf, 28, computer scientist, single

„I went to a brothel for the first time when I was 17, with my very first paycheck. Going to a club like this is deep relaxation to me. There’s no chitchat, the girls are clever and adjust to your preferences. That can become addictive. I had a relationship for four years, but at some point it always comes out. And then the shutters go down. Now I’m also here for professional reasons. I am developing an online platform together with a friend where men can buy punter alibis: traffic accident, hospital – we can do anything.”

I struggle to find words for this specimen because the personality he presents in one short paragraph is so hideous. He believes men have a right to use as many women’s bodies as they want, while keeping girlfriends and wives as deceived domestic servants. He has obviously understood there is money in facilitating rape, so now he wants in on it.

 

For all these men, note how utterly self-/man-centered their entire concept of reality is, how they have fetishized power imbalance including racism, and how the things they tell us about themselves clearly show that women in general and prostituted women in particular are less-than-human, not real people, to them. To them we are animated body parts for men’s use. If you can’t see that in their words, I suggest you look a little harder and take off the rose-colored porn glasses. These eight men are rapists and should be criminalized.

For more insight into how johns see the women to whose bodies they buy access, see the incredibly revealing and commendable The Invisible Men Project on tumblr and Twitter.

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30 comments on “Portrait of Eight Paying Rapists

  1. I find these stories so disturbing–in that Hannah Arendt kind of way. So ordinary, this kind of evil. The complete distancing from the humanity/humanness of these women is what is defines them as closet rapists. They know it’s wrong. But they do it anyway. And I don’t mean wrong in some encoded moral Christian sense. I mean wrong as in destructive of another human being. It’s insidious, this belief that you can buy another human with no consequence.

  2. Reblogged this on Questions for Women and commented:
    I find it truly terrifying to think there are so, so many men like these.
    My heart aches for the women. Aches.
    This is a must (albeit disturbing) read.
    We ALL must stop this raging inferno which is completely soul destroying.
    Our humanity is being lost – especially when those with privilege, turn a blind eye.
    Prostitution and porn is cancer.

  3. The problem is that men and women are now exposed and circulating in a climate (all over the world that says men or women should entertain you/its okay if we are little entertainment articles/selling/buying this in one another. And it’s everyone’s fault and killing humanity in them and us in the process. But I think historically and socially, men who engage in prostitution in it’s various forms…are further along in regression.

    And so many of us have become pleasure seekers where it’s all about getting, we don’t even notice what we are becoming in the process (whether John or provider in service or out in the world). Others are now pawns on the map to a destination, either frustrating our goals of getting there.

    But pawns all the same, instead of whole people with histories and life workings of their own. Unfortunately, psychologically, I fear this is what we are becoming all over the world, about others….

    Porn usage mixed with life and prostitution is just one of the avenues where this dynamic is rearing it’s ugly head in gory detail. 😦

  4. Thank you for slogging through this. It’s nauseating to see their entitlement to women’s bodies. As you say, “People say prostitution is necessary. Some even go as far as saying it’s a necessary evil, but even those people still insist it is necessary.

    If men can’t buy access to women’s bodies, these people say, whatever will they do?

    Yes, I would like to ask them, what exactly is it you think men will do? Rape women?

    What that means is that either men get to rape for money or they will rape for free. Or in other words: “rape is inevitable, let’s outsource the victim role to someone who has no options.””

    This needs to be put just as starkly in the mainstream. Folks should wake up to the reality of what these men do and what the phrase “necessary evil” really implies in this context. It implies that men are rapists.

    • People need to get over this simplistic ‘consent’ stuff and realize that they can’t just pretend life circumstances magically stop mattering or influencing things when it’s about people touching other people’s genitals. It’s so absurd that most seem to have no trouble understanding how this is the case with every other topic, but as soon as it involves naked people, anything goes because ‘consent’.

  5. Reblogged this on Tiffany's Non-Blog and commented:
    In complete agreement with this blogger, except that as a rational egoist I would not characterize these sociopaths as “selfish” as they have no healthy sense of self to begin with and certainly no self-respect. A rational and selfish person would live a life where sex is a healthy element of a full life, not an abusive encounter with strangers. But then, misogynists aren’t rational.

    • I guess our definitions of selfishness differ somewhat. I don’t see selfishness as a good thing, but I would never label acting in healthy self-interest or in such a way as to live in loving harmony with one’s environment as ‘selfish’. Selfishness doesn’t require a healthy sense of self or self-respect in my book, quite on the contrary. Ultimately a selfish existence will always be joyless and destructive.

      • I think you hit the nail on the head – our definitions are different. What you described “acting in a healthy self-interest or in such a way as to live in loving harmony with one’s environment” – that’s precisely what I mean by selfishness 🙂 In fact, living as these disgusting sub-humans live, without the slightest sense of respect for what it means to be a human being, without the slightest sense of aspiring to healthy, functional relationships with others – to me that’s not selfish but ignorant and irrational.

        • I think that most people probably don’t imagine a kind, caring individual when they hear ‘selfish’. And since that is something I aspire to and hope to see others aspire to, I don’t think I’ll adopt this positive definition of selfishness. But we seem to agree in everything except the name we give things =)

    • Agreed! A misogynist cannot be rational; no rationality means he is not self-interested. Misogyny just like socialism and religion is part of a collective mind: group think, group values and beliefs and as a result group practices (rape culture and sexual objectification) we have institutionalized group-think in our laws that disenfranchises women in each aspect of society.

      • Every society has group values and practices. That’s part of what makes it a society. That in itself does not negate the ability of the individual to apply reason and act according to what they have reasonably determined to be in their own best interest. We *are* part of a ‘collective mind’. Comparing misogyny with socialism is like comparing apples and oranges … rotten apples and fresh, tasty oranges.

  6. Men do not have to rape these days to get ‘free’ sex, too many women are willing to have premarital sex these days anyways, paying for sex in this case seems oxymoronic. Also, there is a difference between women who are forced into prostitution and women who do it willingly. You sound just like a religious nut job who seeks to oppress women’s sexuality and their ability to make income to be honest, sex positivity is the future. After all traditionalists are just as opposed to prostitution as you are.

    • Rapists rape because they like rape, not because they like sex.

      If I sound like a religious nut job to you, that’s because you’ve never heard anyone but religious nut jobs reject porn or prostitution. Instead of resorting to knee-jerk ad hominems, though, how about you either engage in good faith or don’t engage at all. It’s not very good form to post rude shit on someone else’s blog, so if you expect to have more comments published, be a dear and try not to name-call.

      • I find it hilarious how ignorant you are when it comes to the prostitution issue. Your whole article is based on a knee-jerk reaction, that a prostitute is being exploited and that all johns are rapists.You are harming your cause, you are essentially anti-feminist when you seek that a woman should be stopped from choosing her profession as a prostitute. Additionally, sex-trafficking and child prostitution is not normal nor should it be legal, such things are not what legalizing prostitution is about. Stop spewing your propaganda, its useless. Your knee-jerk reaction to assume that all prostitution is exploitation shows your highly undeveloped nature and your inability to think critically outside of the box. Just throwing that right back at you. 😉

        • Sex trafficking and child prostitution have boomed in every country that has legalised the prostitution industry. If you are unable to think critically about these objective facts, I suggest that perhaps you’re arguing from a sex-pos position of faith.

          I find it hilarious how you are so quick to call this woman ignorant when all she has done is let these men speak for themselves. How about we talk about the choices of these men to buy consent, instead of focussing on the choices of the women who find themselves in prostitution or the women who object to the industry? Is it so difficult to analyse the behaviour of men that even a post that is about NOTHING ELSE still elicits a tired old sex-pos screed about women’s choices?

          Here, do some reading: http://t.co/fCxV1uyrUu

    • PS: Prostitution has NOTHING WHATSOEVER to do with female sexuality. It’s an industry run by men for men, and women are the goods. They are not ‘liberated’ sexually by having to offer the use of their bodies to many strangers a day for money.

      • Yeah, ‘I find it hilarious’ (to continue with that phrasing) how some people can say that prostitution is about women’s sexuality. Imagine a young man providing oral sex to a number of unknown women each day in exchange for money and saying that this is about male sexuality. But, the way heterosexuality is constructed under patriarchy, for too many people, women’s sexuality is reduced to women sexually pleasing men. And that is ‘sex positive’, because under that label, anything that is associated with sex, no matter how it serves the patriarchy and how it promotes gender sexual inequality, becomes de facto positive. Thus sexism (as in women being sexually subservient to men, being used as commodities, being hurt and humiliated for men’s porn fantasies) becomes positive. After reading what these men have to say, I would like to know how sucking these men’s dicks could be empowering for any woman.

        It is men who buy women and not the other way around. Failing to see how this fits into the larger system of patriarchy is anti-feminist.

        • I could not agree more. Women’s sexuality is not only reduced to pleasing men, however, I feel it is important to stress that patriarchal sexuality requires submission from us and dominance/violation from men. The pleasure a woman is meant to provide in patriarchy is ultimately derived from her pain.

  7. I find it amazing that so women need or want to believe that violent punters are unusual or must be mentally ill. This is a myth – most punters are very normal men who just know they can and do any violent or rape to the prostituted – for it is buying of good not harming a human being.
    In this environment, no prostitute has the right to safety, no prostitute has the right to say no to the punter. The prostitute is made sub-human – and becomes unrapeable.
    As for it being about policing sexuality – what rubbish. It is about the punters having power and control over the prostituted.

  8. […] People say prostitution is necessary. Some even go as far as saying it’s a necessary evil, but even those people still insist it is necessary. If men can’t buy access to women’s bodies, these peopl…  […]

  9. Thank you for sharing this with us. I can only stomach reading one punters thoughts today, but I shall come back and read the rest another day. People need to be aware at just how depraved these men are. They have zero respect for women, if they did, they wouldn’t feel the need to see a prostitute. Contrary to popular belief, sex is not a human right. Nor is a mans right to a woman. We are not for sale.

    It saddens me that this opinion is probably a really unpopular one.

  10. Gemini Gemma – did you actually read the article? What is your explanation for the fact that virtually all punters are men? Or that the vast majority of prostitutes were abused as children? Do you have an explanation? Are you interested?

  11. Tend to agree on the moral of the story.

    However I sense a lot of rage. The writer’s interpretations seem biased by this primitive instinct, I suspect some bad personal experiences.

    Aside of my feelings of the writer’s “tone”, I think there is a big difference between:

    Rape + agreed but resented, prostitutes that feel safe
    and
    Rape + failed attempt to Fight&Flee when feeling threatened, victim then goes into a “freeze” response

    The latter is found to be very wounding, as it profoundly destabilizes the nervous system and the brain. (trauma!)

    Women, I think the question to seek for here, is whether, or when, or which prostitutes, feel Threatened in their physical integrity by their customers, covering an inhibited panic.
    All? Some? Depends on .. .. on what?

    I never tried to go to a prostitute, because the lack of female sexual selection instantly turns me off. These girls seem damaged in their sexuality, to me. But I don’t think I would feel like a typical Rapist either, if I would.

    My take on this: Prostitutes are at all times at risk of injury. Physically, mentally, their sense of identity and worthiness..

    I do think there are major differences between the men that come there.
    e.g. You have the simple ignorant types with a black heart, sometimes even violent… and you have the kind of men who are looking for genuine love in a really odd place.

    Whatever the reason: i feel that these men and women are misguided.
    That’s the general message on which I agree in this article.

    If you feminists are serious about your mission, I think it would be very useful to put some energy into talking with prostitutes about these things.
    I’m curious, how such conversation would revolve.

    Thank you for reading this message.

    These kind of things have always kept me busy thinking, looking forward to any serious reactions of both men and women. Please do not be afraid to step forward and discuss such matters.

    Find truth in our biologies.

    Sincerely

    • “However I sense a lot of rage. The writer’s interpretations seem biased by this primitive instinct, I suspect some bad personal experiences.”

      You’re damn right that I have rage, because these men are raping, torturing and killing my sisters with impunity. For you to call this a “primitive instinct” is highly insulting as it implies that this emotion is an unreflected or unreasonable one. The oldest page in the book of misogyny is saying women lack reason and objectivity because they are oh-so-emotional, so you get no points for originality. Your assumption that I have had “bad experiences” is correct, but to suggest that having been raped makes it harder or impossible for me to have a valid opinion is incredibly disrespectful and wrong. If anything, having had experiences of child sexual abuse and rape make me more qualified to comment on the impact such things have on women than someone who didn’t experience that. As Tiffany says in this blog post http://tiffanysopinions.wordpress.com/2013/05/25/ad-feminam/ , “emotion does not equal irrationality.”

      “Women, I think the question to seek for here, is whether, or when, or which prostitutes, feel Threatened in their physical integrity by their customers, covering an inhibited panic.”

      This post is about the men who are doing this to women, and how they see those women and all women in general. It is not a post about how the women feel, but thanks for telling me what the ‘question’ here should be. But if you think it’s so important whether they feel threatened, let’s ask: are they in danger? Because if you’re in danger, you will usually feel threatened, and vulnerable, and you will want that situation to end as soon as possible.

      Let’s see what you yourself had to say about that only a few lines below:
      “Prostitutes are at all times at risk of injury”
      ‘Injury’ doesn’t come into the room and beat you or kill you. Prostituted women are at risk of male violence. But that aside, you asked which or how many women in prostitution FEEL unsafe, shortly before stating that all of them ARE unsafe, always. So whether they accurately assess the degree of danger they are in at any given time is hardly the deciding factor when it comes to the harm that can be and is inflicted on them by men. However, I can assure you that they know about the danger they are in. Women are afraid of men from experience, even without having been in prostitution. It’s called self-preservation. That is the evolutionary purpose of fear. A prostituted woman must be on her guard at all times, and she knows it.

      Before I devote too much space on this blog to picking apart your condescending mansplanation, let me just end by saying this: you find the lack of choice that a prostituted woman has in whether she has sex with you or not a ‘turnoff’ and therefore wouldn’t do it, YOU SAY. But if you did, it still wouldn’t be rape, YOU SAY.
      You’re full of shit. ‘Sex’ with someone who has no say in the matter is rape. I don’t believe a word of your bullshit; you’re a john. You’ve raped prostituted women and that’s why you came here to tell me to differentiate between the evil johns and the sweet ordinary men looking for love (as if these men believed in love! As if they believed that sticking their dick into a stranger has anything to do with emotions! Don’t make me laugh.)

      PS: Oh and, if we feminist are serious, we need to talk to some women with first-hand experience? YOU DON’T SAY! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS SUGGESTION, THIS HAS NEVER OCCURRED TO ANY WOMAN ANYWHERE. You think you are qualified to even speak about this issue and yet you don’t even know how many survivors of prostitution are among our feminist ranks.

      PPS: “Truth in our biologies”? Let me guess, this translates to “Prostitution is only natural because men must ‘spread their seed’ and not enough women will keep up with men’s sexual needs without being economically coerced or incentivized.”

      PPPS: Fuck you and thanks for reading.

    • (now thankfully ex-) prostitute here. Your argument is full of shit, son.

      Yours, just one of the prostituted women Sister Trinity and many other feminists have spoken to on the matter.

  12. And then out of nowhere, a man appears in the comments to tell us that men are only rapists if the incident involves “trauma”, which he proceeds to inform us only occurs in some specific cases 😐

    Oh and apparently he doesn’t like your tone.

  13. Reblogged this on feministborgia and commented:
    Powerful and important piece. Thank you sister.

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